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Hold on, yes, it’s possible to get over break up. The techniques will vary depending on whether it’s your first teenage crush or the crash of your twenty year marriage. But for everyone it’s time to get up in the morning, look in the mirror and say, “Regardless, I’m a valuable person.” Your value is entirely unconnected with the ending of the relationship.

Who instigated the end of the relationship? If you then you’ll need to remember your reasons, if the end was important to the other person then skip the “What ifs” and the “If only I hads.” Past is past and you can’t change it any more than you can change Wednesday into Tuesday.

“Get Over it” can be said more kindly. Maybe, “Just give it some time.” or “Just working through.” are better descriptions. Choose to be good to yourself. Dealing with all changes, good or not take time. Death and ending of relationships are two big ones. But changing a job or a home also high on the list of stressful.

Pretending that nothing happened or that you are not bothered is usually counterproductive. Decide, “OK, this Saturday I’m going to sit around and mope or weep or write long journals of angst or even eat a bit too much of my comfort food.” Getting drunk isn’t a great idea. But, on Sunday, stop moping, get out of the house. Call up someone for coffee, a movie, a walk, a squash game.

If the break up is from a short term relationship that happened after a first date at school or someone from a dating line you saw a few times use that short term commitment to ask whether there might be any similarity between that relationship and any other unsuccessful attempts. This action isn’t unproductive re-living, it’s analyzing the action between the two of you. Is One person coming on too strong, one too shy of commitment? Do both of you having radically different interests or philosophies? You or the other truly less flexible on any important terms? Make lists. You may have a moment of eureka.

The end of a marriage is a different story. This deterioration has been happening for a long period of time and both people will have suffered in some way. If there are non-adult children are a third party the scene is even more difficult.

The present looks poorly. But the future holds good surprises. Keep moving toward the next adventure. You have survived this far, you will get over break up.

Want to find out more How to handle a break-up tips, then visit Pete Diwali’s site Get over a breakup.